Embrace The Rainbow

Embrace The Rainbow
Embrace The Rainbow

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Feeling Amazing!

  I finally got dressed this morning in my newer clothing that I got a few months ago. Put on a little make-up just a little not much. I am feeling so damn good doing that. Although my mother said I should be dressing up when I had no where to go. Who cares it's fine I at least am trying to feel good about myself, right?

  I took a small picture but for privacy concerns I will not post it here. I love you all and trust you but, I just am not ready to show my real picture to anyone just yet. I just feel really great right now about my life about my body and about myself.

42 comments:

  1. I'm happy you feel good about yourself. That's all that matters.

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  2. Yes and I am hoping it gets even better. Ignoring the talk around me is a good thing. Doing what feels right for me is getting easier the more I think. "I need to do this for me, no one else right this moment is going to get me down. Okay who stole my SODA." (Had to put in a little something to make you smile it made me smile and giggle a little bit)

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  3. LOL! You sound like me. I get on this tangent and then I get distracted and follow a rabbit trail. "I am coming out and letting you know that I'm bigender mom and dad. I'll be having the genital reassignment surgery and then living my life as a gay man, because that's how I feel on the inside...where did my piece of cake go? Wasn't it right here?" LOL.

    In this life sometimes you have to have on mental earplugs and listen to your own life's soundtrack while other people are talking and giving their opinions and their advice. Wait, turn off your life soundtrack and listen to me! LOL.

    I do that with my stepdad, he starts going off on me in Spanish and in my head all I hear is Lady Gaga. Then when he gets done he looks at me and says, "Do you understand me young lady?" and I just say, "Yes sir," and walk away.

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  4. ~Chuckles~ I do sound a lot like you. Except I believe I was born in the right body...Here's How I see myself...I am a woman who loves men and likes well a little bit of some love from a woman. Sounds bad don't it? That is just how I feel and I support you in what you wish for yourself because in my opinion my opinion doesn't count. My one husband (Yes I think of my partners as my husbands I love them and they think of me as their wife as well.) wanted to go through the surgery to become a woman and then he changed his mind. Mostly due to the fact he decided he didn't want to change himself in any way that would make him lose all of us. Mind you he wouldn't have lost me I love him to bloody much to ever leave him....I find that if you truly love some one you will stick with them through anything. If you aren't truly IN love with them then your screwing yourself and the person your with by being with them. I am IN love with all of my Partners.

    My mother says I act and talk like I want to be a whore. I just looked at her and said "Perhaps I do at least I'd earn enough money to support myself."

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  5. Doesn't sad bad at all. I'm glad that you think of your partners as your husbands. I think that's great. I joked today about how I needed two husbands, one who is a twink, smaller than me and another who is bigger than me. So I can have one that I can dominate and then one who can dominate me. LOL.

    I'm happy that your husband considered the consequences of his actions and how it would affect all of you, but I agree if you're IN love with someone then you will support them and accept them and stick with them through anything. That's the true definition of love.

    Parents are so crappy sometimes. They say things and you just have to say something sarcastic back because no other response will do. When I was 12 my father called me a slut because a boy at school wrote me a note. I just looked at him and said "Well you've been writing letters to your ex for years, what does that make you?" LOL. It was the first time he was speechless, so speechless that he didn't even smack me in the mouth like he would have done usually.

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  6. My Partners are the other halves to my whole. It's rough and rocky but all relationships are like that I think when your IN love with partner or partners. I just find that being accepted for me feels absolutely amazing. It is like waking up to a breath of fresh air and not needing to hide behind something.

    They know about my blog and we all decided to keep their names out of the blog until they were ready for me to put name to them. I also decided to make my adopted family nameless until such a time I got permission from them to add name to them.

    Parents act more idiotic then the kids do most times. Annoying as hell to me just makes me want to mouth off. My parents like to press buttons that know will get me to mouth off. So now I ignore them and it pisses them off just as if I didn't ignore them and mouth off would get me the same thing.

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  7. That's what I want (what you have with your partners). I want someone or someones who understand that sometimes I like to watch the cartoons that I watched as a kid, that sometimes I like to sing at the top of my lungs for no reason at all, all my quirks, habits and flaws and still love me for it. I don't think that I'll find him/them in Polk County, FLorida though. I'm hoping that when I go to New Orleans for the retreat that I meet someone, that would be perfect.

    Parents do act more idiotic sometimes and I think that's because they feel like they are never wrong. An idiot can never admit when he's wrong. I don't respond when they start in on me, but since becoming disabled they tend to back off of me a lot more than they used to. Had I not been disabled, my stepdad would have told me to not be in his house when he comes back when I came out to them on Sunday.

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  8. Lord some people think that they never will find that perfect someone...It's when you stop looking that love smack you up side the head. I stopped looking for love and then well two of my partners came into my life unexpected well honestly they all did....It isn't like you have to search and search from here to Timbuktu to find that perfect person or persons for you.

    That is pathetic honestly. Parents either step or no are supposed to accept you for you. I accept you if that helps any. It is not your preferences in life that should matter to people it is who you are as a whole person that should matter most.

    It took me years to understand that very fact.

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  9. LOL. I actually did stop looking and became supremely content with being single...then I discovered Tumblr, Blogger, and GR. Then I found Thorny and Jazz, Matt and Brad, you and your partners and I was like "Well shit! What about me?" I think that now that I know WHO I am, or rather now that I have ACCEPTED who I really am, that now I can find WHO I need to add to my happiness and help to complete my life you know?

    I actually had to move to California before I realized how a family was supposed to truly operate and it wasn't my family that I was observing. I fell in love with my friend TW's family and they fell in love with me. I miss them so much and they keep telling me to move back. If I had the money I would. For some reason though I'm feeling like I'm supposed to stay on the East side of the country though. *Shrug* I've never been wrong about those feelings.

    I don't remember if I read it or not but how many partners do you have? This is just my being curious, especially because it seems to work so well for all of you.

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  10. Let's put it bluntly. I've got enough partners to be in bed with each of them a week straight and still have a couple I haven't been in bed with. It works well for me because I don't mind having so many partners. I mentioned six and then that changed when I admitted feelings still for an ex who had feelings for me still as well and having feelings for someone else. I don't know how to even explain half of why I fell in love with them it just feels so right.

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  11. That's so awesome. I admire you for being honest and being true to yourself and for having the capacity to love so freely and openly and so many.

    I'm thinking about putting up a personal ad on my blog and asking everyone to just find me a few men. LOL. I've done long distance relationships before. I think my problem is that I'm just now "coming out" you know? I'm still pulling my feet out of the cement of what is "proper" and "socially and morally acceptable" according to my parents and their church.

    Your partners are great that they can all be as open as you about your relationship. No wonder you're so happy with them, they sound like they're perfect for you.

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  12. Chuckles...Oh yes they are perfect for me...they make me feel good about myself constantly. I do have my doubts about things but I talk it out with them.

    Two of them work a lot of the time...The one I mentioned about wanting to turn himself into a woman works a lot as well. It gets me a bit frustrated but I do deal with their hours as well as my own. Anything to make it work out for the better.

    I see it as this if society can't accept me for me they can kiss my nice white ass. Just how it is.

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  13. Amen!!! I completely agree with all of it.

    I'm glad that you're understanding about your husbands's work schedule. Understanding, communication, compassion and love go a long way to maintaining a healthy and happy relationship (I sound like Dr. Phil don't I?)

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  14. (Nah he's a putzzz and a clutzz. Your much cooler!)

    I try to keep it real with people. They don't like my opinions or my truths well they know where the door is don't let the door knob hit you where the good lord saw fit to split you.

    I find it easy to tell people that. May reason some thing I am a smart ass. I'm not I just choose to tell the truth where it needs to be told.

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  15. "Honest to a fault" that's what my mother tells people that I am. Didn't know that being honest could ever be a bad thing.

    People say they want honesty and bluntness but most of the time they only want it if it's directed at someone else. I appreciate it in all directions.

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  16. Same...When I ask for honesty I mean it sometimes yes it stings but it just makes me that more stronger.

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  17. I know. People sometimes think "Well this person will never tell me the truth." Then when proven wrong in their thinking they are hurt more to pride than anything else.

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  18. I think most of the "hurt" that people feel is ego and pride. I know when my first fiance cheated on me, I wasn't broken-hearted, my ego was damaged. When my best friend pointed that out to me I was upset and said she "hurt my feelings" but it was my pride that was hurt.

    People need to come to the realization that truth brings growth and you cannot grow without changing and you cannot change without discomfort and a small measure of pain.

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  19. You are one honest person VeVe. Most never get this honest with a person. Well not that I have ever seen. I try to be honest with everything that I say or even do. It means that I am becoming a better person growing changing being real.

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  20. LOL. Why thank you. I try to be. I think when you've been told that you have to hide your true self or when your job puts you in a position where you have to essentially lie to everyone that you know, when you're free of those things you're completely free. I'm honest even if it loses me friends (and on GR it has).

    You're right being honest means that you're growing and becoming a better person and that never ends.

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  21. Most think that just because your honest about your true self that it's sin to but I find it refreshing that someone can admit that they love themselves just the way they were meant to be.

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  22. I say that they can all go fuck themselves and continue to live in a world of deceit, lies and false reflections of themselves. I can't stomach that kind of life anymore and I won't be around anyone that can. Life is too short to spend it worrying about others or lying to others or to yourself you know?

    The people that say that are stuck in denial and lies of their own making, they hate the truth and so they make others feel bad for living in it.

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  23. I find that being myself here and with my partners has not only gotten me two very loyal friends and two people who read this blog but they don't just read it and not leave a comment. You and Sid have made me smile given me something that I needed most...A friend and some feedback and some support that wasn't from a lover. I Love my partners to death don't get me wrong but sometimes I need advice from a friend.

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  24. That's how I feel. I have made some awesome friends on here, people that like you said don't just read my blog and move on without saying anything but they read it and comment, they encourage me, offer advice. It's awesome and it's uplifting especially when you don't have that IRL.

    I'm glad that Sid and I can do that for you. I'm glad that he pointed me in your direction. He was like "You have to read her blog, I think you'll be able to identify with her." And I read one post and I couldn't NOT comment you know? I'm glad that I can be a friend to you.

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  25. So am I and gotta thank Sid for pointing you my way. Sid is a sweetie very nice.


    Most times not getting something IRL means that you yearn for it. When you finally get it you appreciate it that much more.

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  26. That is so true.

    Sid IS a sweetie. I'm like halfway in love with him and he calls me his "wifey" even when I'm in my Vic mood I'm apparently still "wifey." It's hilarious! He's helped me so much to be comfortable with my truth. I so appreciate him for that.

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  27. You have two sides to you...Your VeeVee mood and your Vic mood. It's nice to see the difference yet your still you.

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  28. Thank you. I've heard that from a lot of people. "Your Vee mood is so soft and sweet and cuddly but Vic is all dominant and possessive and hardcore, but it's all still you" and I'm like..."DUH!" LOL.

    I appreciate that you recognize that though and that you like both sides. Matt gets all "goofy" over my "Vic" side. Hahaha. I don't think Thorny's ever encountered Vic though. It's nice to not have to hide Vic though. To be able to embrace him.

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  29. It is neat. To me the two sides are like this. Soft sweet and womanly male yes I said male!....Vic...tough dominate very forceful Male.

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  30. That's it exactly!!! I may have to copy that and put it on my blog so people can see that......

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  31. You will of course get credit and then I'll tell people to come and follow your blog and leave nice comments or I'll kick their ass.

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  32. There is the Vic mood I think hehe.

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  33. *sheepish grin* Yeah.....just a little. LOL.

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  34. Glad I can get it right ~Smiles~

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  35. LOL. It's super easy. Usually with people I'm comfortable with I'll just tell them what kind of mood I'm in or tell them if the mood changes. You and Sid seem to be able to pic up on it just from statements and comments though. It's cool.

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  36. It's neat because it is easier when you get to know the person through posts. You see one side and then the other and it gets even easier.

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  37. Aaaahhh. Now I know your secret. LOL. It's so weird that you picked up on that. I don't think anyone else did.

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  38. It's easy to see when you are getting to know a person. And they probably haven't

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  39. Not too many of them have. Thorny asked me once why I didn't mind putting up my real photo and I told him that I wasn't interesting enough online for someone to want to stalk. I get stalked by people IRL but never from folks I meet online.

    Most of them though are "fangurls" of my stories so that's all they care about. Some of them now see me as being their "gay best friend." *rolls eyes* And others see me as this funny, wisecracking, former soldier. I don't think any of them have actually "read" my blog and really gotten it. Or read my comments and really gotten it like you and Sid have or Thorny, Matt, Kate or Luci.

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  40. I have wanted to take the time and that is what a person should wish to do is get to know you. Not just for your writing but for who you are.

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