Embrace The Rainbow

Embrace The Rainbow
Embrace The Rainbow

Friday, October 31, 2014

It's been DAYS

It's been a lot of days since I've blogged mostly because I am head first into my college classes. I've lost a lot of contact with those that I see as brothers and sisters. The closer that the end of the year gets the more tired I seem to be. I love college and I wouldn't trade any of this for the world. However, I need a break and will get one sometime in December right before Christmas. I've changed a lot since I've last posted and I feel very different about myself.

I'm saving up money to be able to take a small vacation. I'm also feeling as if I need some time to come to terms with being one of the only kids in my family that wants to do business for her life's career. I can tell you that no one really understands what it is exactly that I want to make my business into. However, they do support me even if they don't understand. I feel better talking to my sister April now than I ever have. Some how we've gotten closer again and we're talking a lot about plans and dreams. I've not lost my dreaming or plans but they have changed and adapted to the places Iwant to be.

I'm going to close just know that I love you all and I miss you very much.

Katty Kat/ Lucy

Saturday, April 26, 2014

A long time being away I'm back now

I'm scared that no one really reads my blog anymore but that is okay because my blog is for myself not others. I have been busy with my college work for the last few months and everything seems to be blurring. I have finally reached the study abroad program stage where I can now go study abroad if I really wish to. I am having a blast looking at the website for the programs classes that are available for me to apply for. I'd love to do a 4 week study abroad program but I am very nervous. Not only will I be away from friends and family I will be in a country that is weird to me. I really want to go but I don't know if I'll make it in another country. So I think I am going to wait until I a fully confident in going over seas to study. I think planning all this out is going to become one of the best things.

My top place that I wish to study over seas at is South Korea. I really want to go there and study for awhile. My second and third places I'd wish to study over seas at are Japan and China.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

College and Life

College is like a breath of fresh air. I've needed it for so long that I thought I'd never get it. It's online and I am really enjoying it. Being five weeks into the first course I feel as though I'm floating and can do no wrong. I just feel like I'm doing everything right now. Mostly I find that I knew what I wanted all along and I should have just went for it. I'm going for Business Management (Concentrating on Small Business.) I am hoping that when I graduate that I'll be able to go to Chicago and get my diploma. Let us hope that I can.


I've been gone quite a few months from blogging but I still keep tabs on the people I care about. I don't really comment much anymore but I do read. I've just had a lot on my mind and a lot going on. I keep hoping that others will understand why I've been gone and not hold it against me. I've not even commented on a yahoo group I'm apart of in a long time now. I wish that I could go to GRL this year but well I know that isn't going to happen. That's alright I'll work on that slowly and I'll get there one of these years as long as they keep doing it. :) We'll see what happens.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

What I've learned about myself recently.

I've learned a lot of things about myself in recent weeks. Some good things and some bad things. Yet, I'm no worse for wear. I sit here thinking about all these things and realize that I am on a track that will help me become a better person.

Everyone I know calls me a bitch or lazy. The truth is I just don't want to do something because it is not a request it is a demand. I don't need my family members demanding me to do everything that they want and leaving little time to do what I want. I need to do things that I want to do. I need to write and need to think and want to read, paint and draw. If I'm lazy because I don't do everything for them then yeah guess it is kinda true in their opinion.

I've learned that no matter how hard I try or how little I try I am always going to get yelled at for not doing enough. So What do you do? Me I tend to tune it all out until I can't any longer. This happens a lot more than I wish to admit.

I've also learned that I have more dreams and very little support for it. I want to tell my family what I want to do with my life they just brush me aside and talk about what they think I should do with my life. It's not their life to live it's mine. So I find myself getting upset a lot about this. I know I can't do anything to get them to take a real interest in what I want to do and that is okay. What isn't is that they disregard anything I want to do.
 

I also learned that I have some issues with spelling at times. I also have issues with my eyes when reading. It blurs and the eye doctor told me years ago now that I had a problem with my eyes due to reading in dim light for so many years. I love to read and have always loved reading. So it's hard when I'm reading and the words blur together as though my eyes are unfocused. Taking ten minutes of not reading helps it to go away. It kinda scares me though.

I think at night why do I feel like a failure and the answer is because I feel like I have failed. I feel like I have gone no where in life so far. That is another thing I learned about myself. That I am to hard on myself.  That I am scared of a lot more than I ever had thought about before.

I also know that it is okay that being me is alright.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

The Purple Cage (Blurb I think)

  Okay so I thought a lot of people didn't understand what I meant when I said I was just lurking and writing. Well here is something that I have been working on lately. The story is already past 16,000 words and I am hoping that it gets well up into the 20,000 plus word count. I love writing this story and I love seeing how my mind takes the characters words and puts them up.

  The Purple Cage came about because of a dream and honestly it isn't supposed to be true at all to reality. It is just supposed to be based off my dream and honestly it works for me. There are so many books out there and well I'd like to add a few more from my own head to the reading shelves of readers. I don't expect everyone to like it. Hell I don't expect anyone to really understand why I am writing this in the first place. Just know it came about during a very stressful time in my life and it has helped calm me a lot more than anyone could know.

  I've not talked about it with anyone and honestly I just don't wish to because this is my own personal issue that I have to deal with. I can say now with a straight face and not much pain in my heart that I am single. That's all I'll say because it's all that is needed to be known. I've taken a few steps back to get control over not only my life but over myself. The Purple Cage is something that came from a lot of dreaming and a lot of hurting. At some point I just threw myself into writing and writing and even more writing. In less than oh three or so months I have wrote more in this story than any of the others I started combined. I don't want pity I just want to explain what I was feeling and how I am feeling now. I love this story because it has a lot of different relationships in it and a lot of drama and a lot of hell going around. It is FANTASY. It's not supposed to hurt anyone's feelings or have people think that I don't care about a certain type of person it is just what it is. Now onto the blurb which doesn't give away much. Not to mention I also have other stories lined up which makes this Story One of I think about five or six not exactly sure because I am not looking at my notes at this moment. Blurb down below.>>>>>



 

        The Purple Cage is one of the most feared places that The School of Blue have to put the fear of god into their students. Katrine is one such student that has the misfortune along with her friends. There had been many before them and some have stayed there reaching adulthood. The thing about the purple cage and the people though is that the Purple People plant that they eat turns them into the Purple People. This might cause serious issues if they don't keep themselves in check. Welcome to the hell that is known as The Purple Cage.





I hope you liked the blurb as much thought as I put into it before even showing it to a friend on skype. This friend told me to write to my hearts content and to make sure I didn't stop until it was done. Love him to death. Plus love Cherie Noel, Matty & Brad, & Vicktor who all inspire me to keep writing when I really just want to give up and delete it all. I won't though because that would get me no where.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

2013 & some updates

So I've been gone again for a while. I've made it to 2013. So now what? Well let's see I've been writing non-stop in a story I've named "The Purple Cage" It's really very long topping at this point at roughly 16,000 words. I've tried really hard with it and this is one of the ones I think I'll end up finishing. I've gotten so much to think about that it's harder to even say. I think perhaps I won't even share it and just keep on keeping on. I'm happy truly happy that the new year is here and that I've been writing the story that I've been dreaming up for weeks now.


I'm doing well to be very honest. I have been lurking on all the blogs I follow and barely commenting I should really come out of lurking because I really do miss letting others know that I'm there for them. I just really didn't want to bother them with all my thoughts. So I lurked and lurked some more and commented very little.


I'll try to do better with commenting at some point for now I'm just going to write and try to finish this book.

Until laters,

Love yas,
Katty Kat

Friday, November 9, 2012

5 weeks and a lot of things on my mind

  I've been silent for 5 weeks. It's not the longest I've been away. I was trying to hide from a lot of things in my life.

  First off someone came back into my life. He is like another father to me. He wants me to move to North Carolina and get to know him again. I haven't SEEN him since 2001. I'm nervous and unsure if I want too. I talk to him on facebook and told him something I finally admit to myself and others. I'm in a Polygamous relationship. I'm not ashamed of that but I didn't want to freak him out about that part of me. When I told him after writing it out seven or eight times I finally sent it. I didn't know at the time what he'd say or what he'd feel about what I had to say to him. Here's a little bit of what I said and what he said.


Me: Tonight I was thinking. You remember when I told you I had love interests in Tennessee? I never told you how many or anything of real value. Because I was scared of being judged. I love more than two men I love more than six I love more than ten. I'm Polygamous. I don't love any of them any different than the other. I'm in love with the ones I know and care a lot about. I want to better myself because of them. I want to do so much because they are in my life. Everything is crazy and I wanted to tell you before mom told you things. I've dated long distantly for over four years. I've been with (known) some of the ones I am with for four years. Some four three some for two and others for one and some for just a few months
Sometimes I don't open up to anyone because I am scared of being judged and just everything.
 
Him: why
do.what.you.got.to.do.in.your.life

Me: I'll do what I have to do Daddy I just wanted you to know and that was about the tenth time I wrote what you read out and I finally sent it too you after I talked to one of the men I love dearly. They make me happy really truly happy. When I get there to live finally I will be one happy woman.


He's yet to get back on but you have no idea how much this meant to me he didn't judge me like my mother and real father do. He just took it for what it is.


  A few nights after this I was talking to one of my ex's. We talked about the past a lot and how my lie hurt him. At the time I wanted to hurt him. Yet, afterwards...no I wanted to take it all back, but I couldn't it was already done. He said he couldn't trust me or forgive me. I understand that and it did make me sad because I've changed since we split up nearly four years ago. A couple nights later we talked again. He said he forgives me but he doesn't trust me yet.

  To say that I deserve the anger, the hurt, the bitterness he felt towards me would be very honest because I do deserve the way he feels. I don't want to hurt him anymore matter of fact I want to be on even ground with him. I want his trust again. I want to be trusted. He said that he has seen me changing and seen that I'm not the same as I was four years ago. He also said that I still needed to work on me before all was done and said.

  I've learned a lot in the last five weeks. A lot about myself from then and now. I've learned that I was a real bitch back then. That I had a lot of hate inside me. That I bottled a lot of what I felt up inside me and never let anyone close enough to help ease it from my mind. I've learned that even though I've changed some I NEED to change more to be a better person. I also learned that nobody can do this for me I HAVE to do this for myself

Things don't just go away easily I learned also. It festers sometimes for months sometimes for years. When it festers that long it is hard to forgive someone. Learning from mistakes is hard but nobody said life was easy. When you learn you become wiser and when you become wise you can pass that wisdom on to others who might need to understand more.


My biggest lesson was that lying no matter how small it is no matter how big as well. It still hurts to some degree. You can sit and tell yourself that you regret it but if YOU never apologize then that is meaningless to the person you hurt. When and if you apologize it's not the last step for you to take. You have to prove that you really do mean it. You can't just say it then go on with what you were doing. This is my opinion and maybe I'm wrong but to me in my mind it is right. Lying is hurtful, lying can do more harm than good. Learning to deal with what happens and what you've said and how to handle apologizing is a big deal to many that you may have hurt.

   In the end of these last five weeks I've learned that being forgiven lifts a heavy burden off your shoulders. It also lifts a burden off the other person as well. Being open and honest and truly sorry for what you do helps lift that burden and lead you to the building of a bridge. One that could be there for the rest of your lives. If you want that then you must do what you think is best but it doesn't stop with you. They have to accept and build that bridge with you. Don't let the past affect the future because if you do you'll never be truly at peace with yourself. No matter what you think of the person the olive branch is the first step and if they take it you and they take it from there....one step at a time.


  I'll right again when I feel like it.  I don't know when that will be and right now I'm not sure if it'll be soon or weeks more. We'll see. For now peace, love, joy, Happiness,

Katty Kat

PS- It's been a very very long 5 weeks of dealing with more than just what I wrote about. Maybe I'll write a part 2.