Delighted and so bothered

  ~Squeals~ I got to hear my Baby and my Cowboy tonight! ~Shivers of delight~ We've been no phone contact this whole time just My Wild Fire's songs and things and it's like OMG my baby did this for me.

  Okay so we all know that my partners and I are a long distance relationship what with me in Kentucky and they in Tennessee it's hard on all of us. MHM! My baby and I got into some deeper heavier things about the past and how I feel and yes I balled like a baby a bit. I have held in many things from my past for far to long and that scares most of my partners.

  It scares me to that I bottle it up and bottle it up until I can't take it anymore. He knows how my parents dislike anyone from my adopted family making an attempt at making me happy or making me smile. But nothing could diminish the mood I was in and still am in! I got to talk to my baby and my cowboy all in one night that was great and amazing and it made me happy because it was something new something we'd never had a chance to do until today and well. Can you tell I'm happy as hell and I think I'm bouncing in my seat still!?!?!

  I won't tell everything just that it makes me yearn more to be by their sides and they know and understand this and know that I am trying to get into a school down there so I can do everything that I need to do! Okay I need to chill out because honestly the happiness meter I have is over flowing! But, seriously tonight has been great and just well amazing and GUESS WHAT? We can do it again soon as he and the others have enough time out of their work life to talk a little more. ~Fans self~ Oi I can't help but be excited.

  Yes I am a bit overly happy I know but, if most understood how hard it is to be apart from the one or ones you love you'd get and understand that this sucks for me. I take it one day at a time and everything will fall into place with my life. Just as it will for everyone else I know. Just smile take it one day at a time and learn that praying helps and it doesn't matter who you pray to as long as you believe in something of higher power. I take what life throws out at me as smoothly as I possibly can. It's hard but, I do get through it with help from my supportive partners and my adopted family (Big Bro Vic and some other special people I know.)

  So yes I'm happy even with something so little BUT, it was so huge and meaningful to me. So much so that I wrote a letter to them all but, I am not posting that here it's for them and them only because it has a lot of very personal things in it for our eyes only. Nothing personal against anyone but, some love letters just are to personal to share out there with everyone.

Big Brothers & My Adopted Family && My Loves

  I have two adopted big brothers. I will not tell you their names as I do not have their permission to tell you that. I was 17 when I first met them and I thought I was IN love with them. Well I was but sometimes things are not meant to be. I love them as my brothers now and I wouldn't trade that for the world. They love me like my blood family should have always loved me.

  I remember while we were still together and they would call me that my mother would steal the phone away and run to a different room and lock me out of it. At first I didn't know what was being said and then I realized that she didn't say it to my face because she didn't want me knowing how she felt.

  I now know that she would tell both of my big brothers that I should be made into a housewife. Taught my place. ~Laughs softly~ Oh hell the one told her that they wanted me to follow my heart and go for my dreams...That was a big mistake because it made my mother work harder to get us separated.

   I still love them both dearly and I always will they are a part of my adopted family and they treat me like a real family should. We have our problems still sure, but that doesn't mean that they don't love me still you know? I find myself crying and thinking of good memories and all I can do is think I messed up. Everything feels like I am falling off the edge of the world. I feel like I can at the drop of a dime ball like a big old baby. I am trying hard to stand on my own and not lean on my adopted family or anyone and it kills because they want to protect me and make the tears go away.

  My loves are just like that as well everyone wants to make it all better for me. I'm scared to let them because every time Ii get close to someone my blood family tries to ruin many of the things already built. I used to be such an angry young girl back then. Now, well I am well on the way of recovering from my short temper.

 Oh yeah and I am still NOT a housewife. My mother still can't get me to want to be a housewife like her and it is killing her. My big brothers understand that I don't wish to be just a housewife. My Love's also understand that that is not the only thing I want in my life. Every day I feel like crying but, I try to keep my thoughts positive. Now I am going to focus on gaining the life that I want.

  I am more than ready to become the woman I need to be and should be. With the help of my adopted family and my loves I do believe I will more then make it happen! Don't you think so, too?