Day after 21st B-Day

  My day yesterday was more than I had expected and to be honest I was happy with everything.


  I got a camcorder and it takes pictures!!!! I got my incense that I have been wanting for quite awhile now and they got 120 incenses I was happy to see them! I am into anything that has the Serenity's Prayer on it. About a year ago now I had one of them busted and I was so depressed about it because that was the last one I had. I got three different ones now! One small serenity's prayer one medium and One photo frame that's big I love it! Then I got this daughter's thing. I really like what it says.



  Yes even after all those my birthday still wasn't done. I had gotten to talk to my three of my partners last night and one of the others made an appearance to give me a gift from a partner of mine that is quite pissed off at me. My babes sent me 12 songs (Remakes) that him and my Wild Fire's band did together. He featured in two of them and that was so special to me. The gift that was dropped off to me looked like a peacock feather. Most don't know that I have a nickname of PP....which stands for Proud Peacock. So yes I broke down crying for a few minutes. 2 minutes before midnight last night my time my baby told me he loved me and we said goodnight and went to bed.


  Now, it's a new day and yes I feel a bit happier and more at peace. My birthday is over I'm still breathing and alive. I made it through with very little mishaps and very small amounts of crying. I did have to shake myself out of thinking and yes I was a bit scared that people wouldn't understand my thoughts. I had very little sugar in my system and I was  very calm very mellow and just myself. I was happy and yes I slept until noon yesterday and I was entitled to sleeping in it was my birthday.

  Oh yes I also got me a pair of Tennies! Yes finally I got my tennies that I have been needing lol.




    My mood right now is just very very very very happy I'm trying to figure out just how happy I am but well not about to think about it.

Delighted and so bothered

  ~Squeals~ I got to hear my Baby and my Cowboy tonight! ~Shivers of delight~ We've been no phone contact this whole time just My Wild Fire's songs and things and it's like OMG my baby did this for me.

  Okay so we all know that my partners and I are a long distance relationship what with me in Kentucky and they in Tennessee it's hard on all of us. MHM! My baby and I got into some deeper heavier things about the past and how I feel and yes I balled like a baby a bit. I have held in many things from my past for far to long and that scares most of my partners.

  It scares me to that I bottle it up and bottle it up until I can't take it anymore. He knows how my parents dislike anyone from my adopted family making an attempt at making me happy or making me smile. But nothing could diminish the mood I was in and still am in! I got to talk to my baby and my cowboy all in one night that was great and amazing and it made me happy because it was something new something we'd never had a chance to do until today and well. Can you tell I'm happy as hell and I think I'm bouncing in my seat still!?!?!

  I won't tell everything just that it makes me yearn more to be by their sides and they know and understand this and know that I am trying to get into a school down there so I can do everything that I need to do! Okay I need to chill out because honestly the happiness meter I have is over flowing! But, seriously tonight has been great and just well amazing and GUESS WHAT? We can do it again soon as he and the others have enough time out of their work life to talk a little more. ~Fans self~ Oi I can't help but be excited.

  Yes I am a bit overly happy I know but, if most understood how hard it is to be apart from the one or ones you love you'd get and understand that this sucks for me. I take it one day at a time and everything will fall into place with my life. Just as it will for everyone else I know. Just smile take it one day at a time and learn that praying helps and it doesn't matter who you pray to as long as you believe in something of higher power. I take what life throws out at me as smoothly as I possibly can. It's hard but, I do get through it with help from my supportive partners and my adopted family (Big Bro Vic and some other special people I know.)

  So yes I'm happy even with something so little BUT, it was so huge and meaningful to me. So much so that I wrote a letter to them all but, I am not posting that here it's for them and them only because it has a lot of very personal things in it for our eyes only. Nothing personal against anyone but, some love letters just are to personal to share out there with everyone.

Yesterday vs. Today

  Well as everyone could see yesterday wasn't one of my best days to write everything I was thinking or so I thought. No one put me down about how I was feeling or how I wrote things so I'm good.

  Now last night I had some great news from Vee and was so excited I couldn't sit still at all! Thanks Vee for taking my advice and you gotta put more faith in yourself hun. Your like a sister/brother to me already. (Hope that explains some things.) Now once you put that faith into yourself believe me it'll work wonders. Now about this date you have I think it's amazing and that it'll go perfectly smooth. (Love you!) Also just be yourself no matter how you act I'll still love you regardless!

  So since last night and the start of today has been great. I stayed up late talking to my partners or well hehe stayed up until 2am talking to three of my partners and then another got home from work and then he and I talked until about 4:30 am in the morning. Man I have missed talking to them all but, then again I talk to one or two of them every day. Just gotta remember that work is important. Now mind you I have to also get a job that pays well so I can get to them. Yet, I have faith that all is going to work out the way it should.

  Can I say that I've had a long day yet? No because honestly my day hasn't been wrapping up until the new day has already begun! I'm driving myself nutty I know but I am having a lot of fun losing my marbles. (In the sense that I am so blasted tired that I'm going insane! But, it feels so nice to talk to them and we don't have to worry about a few things.) I'm going to guess if I can get everything earned that I will have one hell of a good time moving. Now mind you I don't have to much stuff to really move. I could go by bus and everything if I wanted. Plans plans plans plans! Ugh I'll figure it all out hehe.

  Now I have been singing Sexy can I & Bed Rock && Bleeding Love as well. I've been so damn happy since last night that I have even gotten up and danced! I love to dance and sing and just have fun. But, lord I can imagine what my partners would think it I pressed close and started grinding against them as I dance Whoa gotta stop before I get to ahead of myself.