"The Norm" & Fears

What the hell is the "norm" anyways? Honestly I see that everyone no matter who you are needs love needs to find the one person or persons that they can truly love without hiding it. So the "norm" to me is seeing men with men, women with women, and a man and a woman together. No matter the race either this is what gets me. What people call "The Norm" really truly is something they wish to see.

  I don't understand where people get off disrespecting gay couples. I love seeing people I can relate my problems to. Some gay men are truly honestly the best friends a woman could ask for. Reason I say this is because they won't ignore you and what you are saying. Not any of the gay men I've met anyways. I love a lot of people in my life and hell let's face it most of those men and women are either gay, bisexual, or lesbian. I have maybe a handful of straight friends.

  Perhaps that is why I don't see the problem some straight men and women have with the BLGT community. I mean I fit into no one's mold of "Normal" I don't really wish to be and never will. I am me. That is who I wish to always be is myself. So yes I might get mad and ticked off at people who gay bash and are homophobic, but when it's towards people I care about then yes I am going to get a bit bitchy over it.

  I'm just feeling a bit bitchy and needing to vent. Because I have my own idea of what is normal and to all the people who can't accept that the world is ALWAYS going to have a BLGT community well they can just piss off. I don't understand where they are coming from because I don't find a damn thing wrong with being proud of who you are!


  I am proud to be a 20 year old bisexual female who has partners who are bisexual and they accept me and how I wish to live and they accept the fact that there isn't just one lover in my life.


  Sorry, I had a rough night last night with dreams about the past and just feeling off and I know sometimes my ramblings and posts might sound bitchy but, it's what is on my mind and I do have a blood brother that is homophobic which I truly will never understand what makes him so. I've had fights with said brother over my ex's who are very happy together. He has fought with me over the partners I have now. To be honest I'm fed up with the bullshit he speaks. He knows nothing about what it is to truly love someone. He has his opinions and I have mine and they are very different from his. Sometimes I go to bed crying because I know that if any of my partners showed up at my door and my brother was here they'd not stay for long. I know that I don't want any of my partners or my adopted family or my friends hurt because of my blood family. It's been on my mind a lot for the last few days.

  My birthday is coming up and my deepest wish is to see my partners. I'm not going to ask that of them because it is also something I fear. I fear for them constantly. I defend them so much from the people I can't stand to hear BS from that I've taken it out on them. I've been so frustrated, so damned mad that everything I feel ends up getting turned on them. I don't want to do that anymore. I know they have stayed but, that fear that I will mess up and end up alone is something I truly fear.

I also fear the fact that people will judge me for what I am rather than who I am. I'm proud of who I truly am. Opposed to the people who hide and are not happy with who they are. My advice to most of the people who feel like they don't know themselves is simple.....GET IN TOUCH WITH YOURSELF! Make sure you see your true self rather than the fake person you pretend to be. When you do see who you wish to be then trust me on this YOU will become that person. Slowly or fast it doesn't matter as long as you become happy with who you are.

Running Around

  So most might notice that my posts are starting to look like I'm running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I've had a stressful week and I'm trying to wind down from all that. I took one day off this week and it was alright for a while. I did get slapped though and my jaw is still sore on the other side of my face but, I'm not to worried about it because I know it'll be okay in another day or so.

  Anyways, reason I am away so much right now is for two reasons. One is trying to find a job and earn some cash flow and the second would be trying to relax. (Haha like anyone could relax in a place like this!) I am relaxing a little bit even if it's not as relaxed as I wish to be. I'm still trying to find a job but, hoping that everything will work out in due time. I just feeling like it's been going way to slow. I never thought I'd be out of work in less then a year's time and even then I mean I wasn't supposed to be out of work this year. But, that's nither here nor there either. I might be whining a tad bit about the whole job thing BUT, it's my blog I can whine if I want to right? I can bitch as much as I want to? I think anyways LOL.

  So recap of the week would be everything is going okay. I'm worried about the baby my sister is about to have. (Even though she treats me badly I still worry. It's like kicking a dog I think!) I've had some good days and some bad but, it's nothing out of my normal day. Hoping that the weekend (It's early in the morning here 3 AM to be on point.) will be A-okay and stress and worry free. (Except for my sister's baby coming this weekend ~Crosses fingers~ She is getting so damn annoying with her own whining that it's starting to make me whine! I mean dance and shake the baby loose already woman!) I know I'm mean ~Sticks tongue out at everyone~ Can't help it. I'm a tad bit insane. (You would be to if you had to put up with all the shit I go through on a daily bases.) I'm going to close for the night errr day err morning AH HELL whatever I'm just going to close this post for the time being and perhaps post something else tomorrow. Nighty night folks (GOOD MORNING!!)

Heart to Heart

  Now I'm not sure if most will understand this or not. Heart to Heart isn't about having a Heart to Heart with myself but, more of getting some things straight and putting it bluntly.

  I know for a fact my blood family hates me and doesn't accept me. They never will understand the love I have for my adopted family. Never understand why I truly love more than one man & Love the thought and need for a woman. They have never truly accepted me as their not so perfect Little girl or Big Sister. I don't understand why it is so hard to accept certain things about me.

  I have been thinking of killing myself since I was ten years old. It isn't something I normally talk about nor do I have a fondness to talk about it now honestly. But, I think people should understand this side of me just a little small bit.

  When I was ten years old I was touched by a family friend. I wrote about it once before of how it happened and why I never reported it. A couple months after this happened just before I turned 11 years of age I went out onto the rooftop from my bedroom window and looked down at the ground. I may not have jumped but, it was tempting to do so. As much as I have done to myself over the years I don't think I've ever truly let go of the past and I don't think I truly know how to let it go.

  I have taken pills, cut on myself, drank alcohol, smoked weed, thought about jumping from my bedroom window, thought about slitting my wrists, thought about taking a bottle of pills and never waking up again. All because of my past and the hurt it causes me still to this very day. I'm not perfect and I will never be perfect. The things I have thought about in my young life has caused harm to my partners to my adopted family. (Of three years nearing four now.) I have done a few things I am not so proud of. Perhaps it was pride and ego for some of the things. At times I am very insecure about my looks about my beauty about my worth to my partners that I have today. I double guess them and ask them things that get them fed up with me. Sometimes I think that they get so fed up they may leave and that scares me A LOT.

  I know most people will not understand my cutting and I'm going to tell how it first started, why I snapped my resolve of not giving into the dark thought of cutting, & why I finally did stop. I was 16 just came out to my parents not to long before this happened. I didn't do something that my father had told me to do I'm not sure exactly what it really was even to this day I can't remember what I was told to do that I didn't do. My mother came home to find every dish on the floor, paper, pots, pans, plates, cups, everything that was in the kitchen was on the floor either all in one piece or busted. My father had gotten so pissed off at everything that he had tossed everything from the table and deep freezer off onto the floor. He left in the car no sooner than my mother got back. At that time my room was downstairs where the computers for my schooling were at. My mother tossed a broken plate at me and I felt like I was to blame for everything and anything! I wasn't exactly thinking that first time I cut I saw my hand and arm had two cuts on it and I just thought "I want the pain to go away. I want to stop feeling like everything is my fault. I want to stop feeling like I'm not loved. I want my pain to be gone for a while."

  You know something the thoughts didn't exactly process until after I had cut into myself sixteen times into my arm and hand. I did this quite a few times with myself I did my age and thought I was a mistake to my parents. (I wasn't rational! Sometimes I am still not rational. Sometimes I think of cutting still.) I remember when I first woke up with the first set of cuts I ever gave myself. It hurt and I don't mean a dull pain that goes away when you ignore it long enough. They had already gotten infected because I didn't clean them. I didn't bother to think about cleaning them. I put on a long sleeved shirt and went to bed that night.

  I have never done well with pain until I started cutting into my left arm. It's never been anything other then my left arm and hand when I was cutting. Perhaps I should explain. I thought that the left side was the bad side and my right side was the good side. Does that make sense to you? I also thought that bleeding and the blood spilled was cleaning my "bad blood". I was so entirely wrong. I don't have "bad blood" I have a pure heart and soul just I am damaged by my past pains and past hurts and just my past. No one can truly understand me until they get to know me. When they do I get a bit clingy I guess but I love hard and love to the fullest possible.

  Again I am not perfect and I won't pretend to be. I have problems that run deeper than just the present it's the past that affects me and it has affected me in some bad ways and then also in some good ways. I know that the pain I have from my parents hitting me and also the pain of that family friend touching me is going to be apart of my past forever. I just have to come to terms with that and MOVE ON.

  I'm going to talk a little bit more about my family. I have one older sister that is a half-sister she's a real bitch to get along with. Hates all of us kids that isn't her full brothers and sisters. She talks about us like we're dogs and I've heard her when she talks about me. Now if she wants to talk shit about me that's her business and mine BUT, you want to talk shit and then your all nice up in my face. No I don't think so that doesn't fly with me. I've cut ties with her for that reason. She still talks trash about me but, that is fine I know who I am, what I am, and how I'll always be. If she's talking about me she's going to leave other people alone.

   My year or so younger sister that is with child. Lord, she has told me one to many times that she hates me. She used the baby she is carrying against me and she knows I mean truly KNOWS that I will bend to her will if it means I can see my lil niece when she is born. Well, no fucking more. I'm not going to pretend to be her bitch ass maid or slave just so I can see my lil niece and hold her. No I'm done trying to be nice to my sister just for that sake. Everything has gotten to the point I'm tired of hearing her hatred towards me I am so sick and tired of the baby being used against me. I am so tired of being told it's the pregnancy. FUCK THAT! A woman who knows what hurts people and has as big a mood swing as to tell your older sister that you won't be able to hold or see the baby if.....yadda yadda fucking yadda yadda. She's used that so much that the words don't even matter anymore. Now that rant is over.

  My younger brother that is 18 is someone that truly has hurt me deep and I am always praying will change his views. Sorry this may make people say WTF?!? My brother is one of the biggest BIGGEST homophobes I know. He doesn't like the fact I have gay friends or lesbian friends or well any friends from the BLGT community. He isn't someone I want my friends to ever have to deal with. I would never forgive myself if my brother tried to hurt one of my friends or adopted family. (Believe me he's already said things about my partners and I told him that he was wrong as hell.) My brother has hit me countless times and yes some of those times I believe I deserved it. I've slapped him for calling me a whore twice in my life and slapped him another four times for calling me a "Fag" lover. I hate those words with a passion and I always will. Other times he's said things and I've just let it slide and I ended up being hit for it. I've got a temper and I know it. Sometimes I'll do more than slap and when I see my own blood drawn by someone else I lose it completely. I'm not going to say much more than that I'm again not prefect and I do have a bad temper and I've changed a lot in the last couple years. I'm a better person now then what I was before.

  My littlest sister is only 12 and she is spoiled rotten. I love her dearly and she's never hurt me. She's sweet as candy until to eat to much candy that is then your sick. She's a lot like candy and she has a bite to her. She is one of the smallest of us in weight wise. She's lucky I mean really lucky that she is so thin. She eats what she wants and it goes to her ASS. I swear I want to have her little bubble butt LOL. She's amazing honestly and she does know about me being bisexual and she just says that I understand but, I'm not like you and Sis. I don't mind that my youngest sister is straight and I told her this. I told her if you weren't born this way then why would you wish to be something you are not? I hope she grows up to be happy and whole and I pray each night that she'll never cut on herself or drink or get hurt or do drugs or pills. This is my wish for her...for her to always be happy.

  My youngest brother is 7 years old and he's a little devil at times but I do love him. He's always been a hyper active child and I was there through the night and day he was born it my mother was about three weeks late from her due date and they were going to induce her labor. When they did it was back labor from then on. Yes I was young and I was proud to watch my baby brother come into this world. You see loving my two youngest siblings has been the best damn thing in my life other than my adopted family and my partners. I'm young yet, with a whole lot of living to do. I'm going to live my life to the fullest because I have something wonderful in my life.

  My mother and father have hurt me for years and honestly they don't deserve the time to even mention them but let's get this straight and not crooked. I tried for years to love my mother and father regardless of all the pain and hurt that there is between us. I've been slapped, kicked, punched, & many other things that involve having bruises and cuts and scrapes. I've had one set of stitches because of my mother. I'll write about that incident at one point but, right now no I'm not going to. I've had a lot of things that hurt me but, I'm stronger truly stronger then all the bullshit that has happened to me.

Rocking Purple

  So I told Matt & Brad that I would wear my purple lacy panties for spirit day. So I am and gods does it feel weird to be wearing these panties again. I bought them for my partners because they think that lace & silk are my thing. (They have no idea!) I've been trying to figure out how in the world I will rock purple next year though. I want to get something that is silky and purple for next year I do know that.

  Everyone tells me I look good in bright colors. (I like dark colors but, I'll wear lighter colors as long as it's not so bright I blind someone with it!) I mean sometimes I feel like I shame my family by wearing dark colors and other times it's like I feel I shame them by wearing bright colors. I try to me just me.


  I was looking at the jacket that I have and I was like who in the hell is Misty Harbor?? Anyone know? Honestly I don't even remember where I got the jacket from I've had it for a few years. It finally fits the way it's supposed to fit I don't like to zip up my jackets but it is nice to know that I can!! I've been trying to find a lot of things out and I can't seem to get my mind wrapped around anything that I want to get in clothing wise.

  I've been trying to earn a bit for clothing, bills, moving, fund for charity, & GRL for next year! So you see I'm going to be a busy girl once I start to earn everything I need for everything I want. So you see that moving fund is the top most one I need other than clothing. (I've got hardly any clothing to my name due to some BS with my sister that is with child. So yes I am having a bit of trouble with that at this point in time.) I'm thinking about moving at the end of March of next year. Keeping my fingers crossed!) Let us hope and pray that my income tax return for this year is decent and that I won't have to tap into any of the other money that I've saved up for the move before then! It's not as easy as I thought it would be not with having to help out my parents every month. (That's just who I am not going to let the two youngest of my siblings freeze their asses off for my parents stupidity of not saving back enough for the winter months!)

Anyways purple yes purple is being rocked and I've vented a lot in this post that was supposed to be just about spirit day BUT I got off track very sorry about that had a lot on my mind there and couldn't seem to stop the thought process. Next year can't get here fast enough. Nither can my birthday! 21st birthday isn't going to be a drinking party though I gave up drinking for a long long time. Yet, perhaps when I know I can handle it I might allow myself one or two drinks. (Maybe!) Yikes doing it again I'll talk to yall laters I swear!

My laptop PROBLEMS

  There has been so much to do and so little time to get it done and I can't figure out if it's because I feel crazy or what. So a couple days ago my laptop screen busted. I picked it up like I always do. Hand on the bottom and fingers lightly touching the back of the screen or fingers at the top...Two inches below my fingers the screen just cracks. I mean damn it's only been six months or less that I have had this laptop and what happens.

  It was after everything happened with my sister that day. She may be VERY pregnant and getting closer to her due date but, that doesn't give her the right to strip me bare of my calm cool and collected thoughts. I try to joke with her and get flipped off. I joke with her when a friend does and she tells me FUCK YOU. I don't understand that BS. but, when she found out that the laptop screen had busted she told me it was Karma and that I'd learn to not fuck with her.

  I don't know where she gets off telling me it's karma that took it out on me. Yet, she thinks that it gets to me that I can't get online as much as I have been doing. Well a good friend let's me borrow her laptop and you know what she let's me earn the money I need to online from textbroker. You see writing articles is how I've been earning money for the last four to five months something like that. I've been doing good and my goal is to get up to enough to purchase a new TOSHIBA. I loved the one that the screen busted this past weekend and intend to get it fixed after getting a new one.

  It means a lot to me to get this one fixed though. Everything I hold dear with my writing and stories and everything is on it. Thank gods the memory sticks I have have some of my poems on it and the pictures of my adopted boy as well. Just the one adopted boy but, still it's special to me. I've been racking my brains out all day trying to figure out how I'm going to get everything done up.

  Everything has been doing well other than the laptop and my sister's bullshit. I'm so close to snapping and telling her that it doesn't matter what she says I'll always be myself. If she can't accept me now what makes me think she'll accept me when I'm not in her life every single day.

  Family means everything to me. My partners are supportive of what I want in life. Why in the hell can't she be? She never wanted me with some of the partners I am with and she never wants to share the joy of the fact I am IN love. Can I tell myself that all will be alright? Yes it'll be okay in the end but, right now it's not okay. It won't be okay until I'm away from her and happy. It's time to think of all the things that I have to deal with.

Okay ranting this much has got to be okay I mean I'm not feeling like I was and I'm not going to feel like that again. Unless my sister wants to say things to me again and act like she's Queen of the Lands or some such BS. She isn't any better than I am and I am no better than her BUT, when this stuff happens it tears me apart and gets me into a ranting and raving mood and I don't want to take it out on my partners. They don't deserve that at all. They don't deserve to have me take out my frustrations onto them. I've been trying to stop doing that kind of stuff and now I am going to start doing it more than anything else. I AM TIRED OF FEELING like I have to hurt just because others think I don't have FEELINGS.

  I have feelings that get hurt easily. I'm not one to show to much to people up front. I cry at night where no one sees the tears. I try to keep from anyone seeing that it hurts to be here where I am. Each and every night I smile though because I get to talk to my partners in some way shape or form. There are so many things that I've said and done and yet they still love me. Still want me. I HOPE & PRAY it's always like that. I can't seem to get enough out of my system at this moment in time. I can talk until I am blue in the face to some people but, that will never help if they won't take or make the effort to listen to what I am really saying.

Can I just have some Peace in my Life Please (Kitty Kat: Speaks)

  This is what I am asking myself constantly when it comes to my life and all I can think of for a while when the drama starts is about this very question. It is constantly running through my mind when drama starts that I myself did not truly ask for.

  One I am a fair young woman. I don't yell or fight unless it is very necessary or I have lost it and was at my wits end. I have quite a few things I hate being called when someone is starting drama with me and I'm going to share the do's and don't's of what to do and not do when fighting or bringing drama to my life that is against me as a person on a whole level.


THE DO NOT'S

1. Never in your life call me a lair (I will start yelling right back at you)
2. Calling me bitch will get you put in a place you don't want to be (It's fine if I call myself a bitch but, others no it just ticks me off that much more when fighting. But when I am calm and we're just talking calling me a bitch doesn't faze me one bit.)
3. Calling me a cunt or a pussy (Although I have a pussy.) That will earn anyone a punch in the mouth. It is the lowest thing you can EVER in your life call anyone.
4. Stupid, moron, idiot or anything that insults my intelligence will in fact earn depending on gender a kick to the groin area or a punch to the mouth.
5. Yelling and getting up in my face while doing it will earn anyone a nice hard punch to the mouth and a lot more.
6. Calling me a whore. (You might as well forget even thinking it.) That will earn anyone that is over the age of 18 and not disabled a fight and a half on their hands.


THE DO'S

1. Do walk the fuck away when starting shit with me if you don't want hurt (feelings or other wise.)
2. Do try to speak to me like I am a human being.
3. Do Figure out that a calm voice will not get a yelling match or a fight started when talking with me.
4. Treat me with respect.
5. Treat me like I am somebody not a nobody


  I can be a very bitchy person or a very sweet person. I hate HATE being called a Whore or a cunt or Pussy. I may have a pussy between my legs but, that does not give ANYONE the right to debase and degrade me like that. Lair, being called that has got to be the second worst to call me in a very long list. I can be your best friend in the world or your worst enemy. Fact is people are what makes it hard to think about being nice sometimes.

  I may love my sister that is pregnant dearly but, she has made the mistake of not only yelling at me but she has called me a lair and a bitch and it was very tempting to slap her in the mouth for it. Yet, I stopped because she is pregnant and the fact I'm not wanting to go to jail would be another reason as well. People should understand that I have a heart and I have a soul. I can get mad and say the same things back and do damage. I'm not perfect and I know it and I never wish to be perfect. I am so sick of fighting against things so sick of my sister and the bullshit. I've tried to do exactly what VeeVee told me to do. Don't yell stay calm put her in her place verbally and honestly that just made her yell that much more and I thought being calm, cool, and collected would work when talking to my sister.

  I should have known better. She cried and bitched to our mother about me after she did all that. Yet, I feel no better for my mother telling her she asked for it and I asked for it. It is just justifying her to do it again. Me asking for it means that I was minding my own business when she asks a bitchy question and doesn't think I'll answer to it myself. I "bucked up" against my sister and she was more pissed that I told her what I thought.

  I do not in the least like her baby's father. It isn't the big sister in me either. I could care less about who my sister decides to spend her life with that is ALL on her. I don't like the boy (yes, in my eyes he is a boy he has a lot of growing up to do before he could be seen as grown to me.) because of how he treats animals. I don't mean tossing them off while you eat like I did today with a kitten. I am meaning what I see him do every day to the dogs the cat's the kitten's and yes even the horse's that we own. I have seen him get mad at an animal for no reason and hit them repeatedly in the face. I am glad that my dog passed away over a year ago. Because, if I had seen him hit my dog like he does all the animals around here I would have torn him a new asshole.

  There are a couple other reasons why I don't like the sorry excuse of a boy she's with. He picks the animals the very ones he abuses over the baby that is inside of my sister. Shows no excitement towards having a child what so ever. My sister says I just don't see it. One I see a boy who would rather save money for a TATTOO then to save money for the baby's diapers that she will need!...I find it wrong that he thinks of getting a tattoo first is more important than a child.....I know I am not wrong on this and I am never going to apologize for what I think.

  I know for a fact that in my eyes a man a real man. Would help earn the money for the baby that they helped create. I know that a man who wants to have children would go to every doctor's appointment every little thing that involves baby and mother. I also know my own partners would never in the least treat me like that. Pick something so stupid over me and the child I cared (If and when I did get with child that is! I am not pregnant, YET!) I understand that all of my partners have busy work lives and that they wouldn't be able to break away if and when I do get pregnant. That wouldn't bother me in the least. Because work is important! It is bringing in income so that we can live our lives.

  Mind you I know that also there are many things that Ido not yet know about. I am still trying to find out. Yet, I know how each and every one of my partners feels about a child and also feels about me and me having a child growing inside of me. They all and I do mean ALL of my men want to see life growing inside of me and be apart of that process. I have brought it up many times before because i was afraid that they would not be excited if and when I did get pregnant. They are constantly reminding me that they love me and that they want to be with me because they know I am also scared of losing them.

  So my peace that I am looking for in my life does come through comfort from my partners. It does calm me when I get to talk to them and I can ignore any other drama when I am talking to them. But, when they are at work and I am left to myself at the home I live with my parents in it does get to be a lot of dumb ass drama (talk to them on the computer long distances SUCKS!) So when they get home and I talk to them today I'll be in an okay mood BUT, I will not in the least take it out on them. I plan to talk and get away from the pissed off feeling but, for now I am pissed and angry and hurt and just all the round in a very bad mood.

  To clear a few things up I am PMSing big time. I am very bitchy when I am on the PMS train. Now that doesn't mean I am PMSing on everyone just a certain few blood relations that can kiss my damn white ass. I am not for them to push over and walk all over like I am a damn door mat. I am not a nobody who doesn't have feelings. I am a person a human being who hurts and has feelings and damn it I deserve the same respect I try to give my blood relations on a daily fucking bases. I am a very good sweet kind young woman until you fuck with me so much that I have no more room in the bottle that I put all the hate, all the anger, all the hurt into. When that cork pops off of it the people who have pissed me off regret it. Because, I give it my damn all to give them as much hurt and pain as they have dealt out to me since the bottle started filling again. I know I myself can seem like a bitch at times but, pushing buttons and making me feel worthless just means you set yourself up. (Not directed at anyone that has been there for me. Love you guys and girls to death because you all can make me smile in a matter of just moments!)

Seriously Pissed Off,
Kitty Kat {Meow!}

Girl in Time Out

  Alright it's time for me to take a time out from....haha not here that's for sure. Time out from all my blood family and the bullshit. So I know I have to wash my own clothes (I hate it I really do.) but, when someone has only one load of laundry and that consists mostly of my clothes to begin with. (My sister is a real pain.) I don't think it is to much to ask for her to wash a couple items of my clothing while I wash the rest.

  She's taking out on me the fact that I will not cater to her. As in fix her food and bring it right back to her. I am not her slave and nor is she mine. but, acting like a bitch afterwards towards me isn't going to work.

  What prompted this really was the fact I brought over all my clothes from her house to wash myself. I put it in the basket with other clothes but, to the side. She comes in stomping and huffing and goes tattle tales on me. One I don't find it fucking wrong to bring my clothes over to the washer so I myself can wash them. It's not a big deal it's a throw them in put a cup and a half of laundry soap in and let them wash for 20 minutes. One our washer at my mother's is outside, it has been raining for three days and I don't want my clothes getting wet until they hit the washer (It's stopped raining for a few minutes.) She is getting on my last fucking nerve. Not only is she getting on the last nerve but, it is starting to affect my mood. It's starting to make me feel like I am wrong to be mad at her.

  Maybe this seems petty to people but, the fact that she can treat me in whatever way she wants without getting yelled at for any of it hurts like a mother fucker. Yet, as soon as I start getting mad and raising my voice at her I am told by not one but both of my parents to shut the fuck up?!?!? Okay this is ranting and raving me but, how the fuck is that right? You treat one child like they are better than the other just because she is pregnant? How is it right that the excuse given is she is pregnant and hormonal? Excuse me this is how she acted BEFORE she ever got pregnant. Before that baby was ever even thought of or created.

  IT IS NOT THE PREGNANCY THAT IS AT FAULT FOR HER ACTIONS!!

  My hands are shaking so bad because I am so angry and hurt and in need of some serious talking to with my Partners. I want to ask them a few things before I make my move to Tennessee. (Which is about to be soon because I can't take much more without a mental breakdown. I cry enough without her help.) I'm going to go for a walk in a few minutes to see if I can calm down. Get something to eat in my body before the walk and just make sure I can and do calm down.

Help me here

  Two crazy bitches are trying to set me up with someone. Why can't they understand that I already have PARTNERS! Ugh! Just because we are long distance relationships mean shit! Ugh. No no no no. Gah my mother always does this now she has someone else helping her come on this shit is ridiculous! Why is it that I have to deal with their shit! I mean seriously.

  I wish they would get it through their damn heads. TAKEN AND HAPPILY SO! Married in my eyes and theirs already just without a paper to prove it! I am so tired of my mother's bullshit and My father's and this new friend of theirs. No uh uh not going to rant on them again but, will rant and rave here.


  I know I am not wrong to feel this way about everything. So I am not going to say Iam sorry for ranting and raving because I'm not.