Embrace The Rainbow

Embrace The Rainbow
Embrace The Rainbow

Wednesday, May 15, 2013

What I've learned about myself recently.

I've learned a lot of things about myself in recent weeks. Some good things and some bad things. Yet, I'm no worse for wear. I sit here thinking about all these things and realize that I am on a track that will help me become a better person.

Everyone I know calls me a bitch or lazy. The truth is I just don't want to do something because it is not a request it is a demand. I don't need my family members demanding me to do everything that they want and leaving little time to do what I want. I need to do things that I want to do. I need to write and need to think and want to read, paint and draw. If I'm lazy because I don't do everything for them then yeah guess it is kinda true in their opinion.

I've learned that no matter how hard I try or how little I try I am always going to get yelled at for not doing enough. So What do you do? Me I tend to tune it all out until I can't any longer. This happens a lot more than I wish to admit.

I've also learned that I have more dreams and very little support for it. I want to tell my family what I want to do with my life they just brush me aside and talk about what they think I should do with my life. It's not their life to live it's mine. So I find myself getting upset a lot about this. I know I can't do anything to get them to take a real interest in what I want to do and that is okay. What isn't is that they disregard anything I want to do.

I also learned that I have some issues with spelling at times. I also have issues with my eyes when reading. It blurs and the eye doctor told me years ago now that I had a problem with my eyes due to reading in dim light for so many years. I love to read and have always loved reading. So it's hard when I'm reading and the words blur together as though my eyes are unfocused. Taking ten minutes of not reading helps it to go away. It kinda scares me though.

I think at night why do I feel like a failure and the answer is because I feel like I have failed. I feel like I have gone no where in life so far. That is another thing I learned about myself. That I am to hard on myself.  That I am scared of a lot more than I ever had thought about before.

I also know that it is okay that being me is alright.

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