Embrace The Rainbow

Embrace The Rainbow
Embrace The Rainbow

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Trusting...Real Life vs. Online

  Alright I have problems trusting people in real life. Yeah sure I'm always up to meeting new people in real life. Always ready to take on the toughest parts of my real everyday life but, trusting someone really trusting them with everything I have is hard.

  At first, when I wrote about my roommate and her boyfriend I said everything was going great. Until I found out that the roommate told something to My mother that was PRIVATE. Just between her and I. Excuse me bitch mood here but, I have to say it.

  When you are TRUSTED with INFORMATION that a person doesn't want THEIR PARENT knowing about YOU DO NOT under ANY way betray that trust!

  What is this over well I didn't want my mother knowing how many partners I had. Excuse me for living but, she DOESN'T need to be in the business of my fucking love life! Thta is why it is MY LOVE LIFE!!!

  I have that little problem of trust in real life because of a roommate before this one telling my mother EVERYTHING. I thought an older roommate wouldn't betray that trust. I was very oh so very wrong.

  Let's go into a bit of detail here on this. My roommate is 39 nearing 40 years of age. She's been around the block has five kids and three ex-husbands. I told her little things at first and my mother never came out with any of it. Now when I started borrowing her laptop after my laptop's screen busted she had no problem with it. Or so I thought.

  I was wondering how my mother would know the EXACT number of partners I had since the last time I spoke to her about them it was about 4 less than what it is today. I don't trust my mother, I don't trust my father. I DID however trust my roommate with information that would and could harm me if my mother was ever told. So when my mother says " Oh I hear you have_____ men now." (Sorry I trust yall but I don't want yall thinking badly of the number.) I was like WTF!?!?!?!?!?! Okay, so my mind goes through the only people to know that information. There is myself, my partners, my roommate and her boyfriend. My mother says my roommate told her. Is she lying? I don't think she is.

  Trust is improteant to me both in real life and online. I trust my friends online more than I do the people that are face to face with me constantly. Why? Because they can't lie straight to my face. Yeah people can still lie to me BUT if they do at least they ain't looking me in the eyes when they lie to me. Most of my online friends and family know about my partners and know how many I have. They don't put me down for it and they don't say that I am "Going against god."

  So online vs real life trusting. I trust more people online then I do face to face. The people I meet online don't try to make me feel bad about myself. Matter of fact they uplift me, support me, love me, care for me, and all around they are there for me no matter what I am going through.

  I know Ivan and Milo are busy but Iv has been checking on me for the past few weeks making sure I am okay. Making sure I ain't lost it due to my stress in real life. He's a big brother to me and he's one of the best.

  Vic loves and supports me even though he is so busy with his own life. He's an amazing big brother as well.

  Matt is a sweetheart of a little brother. I love and trust him Even with the most private things about myself.

  Brad is also the sweetheart little brother I have.I trust love and care about him a lot. He's never judged me and I am pretty sure he never will.

  Sid is family as well. I don't talk to him much these days BUT, he is still family.

  You see family even though it's through a computer I trust with heart and soul. They don't judge me and they don't care what is going on in my life as long as I am okay and safe and feeling alright. They only ask of me what I ask of them. Love, support, trust,  a little time to understand, Trust, caring, And SUPPORT! (I know support is in there twice it's because it is important. and Trust is as well. But it's ALL important!)

  Perhaps this is a bitchy post but I think trust is very important and I won't say I am sorry for saying what I did because I mean it. The trailer I live in is mine when it's paid off by my father. (That surprised the hell out of me but I think he doesn't want anyone else but, family living in the three trailers.) I don't want to live in that trailer for the rest of my life BUT, it's still mine. I've come close to saying something to my roommate tonight BUT you know what it's not even worth fighting over. She just lost my trust and she can't gain it back not after all the bithing she did to my mother and what she told to my mother. My personal life when it comes to my blood family is just that PERSONAL. It's not so much to ask for that someone give me the trust that I put in them. Oh wait she says I "Disappointed her." Okay perhaps this is a small bitchy thing to but she BETRAYED my trust and me! So her disappointment can be shoved up her ass. I do every fucking thing she asks of me and yet this is how I am repaid? My mother gets told something about my personal life and I am supposed to just forget about it right? WRONG!!!

  Okay I think my bitching is done hope it doesn't make any of you mad I don't want that I just needed a place to vent and give some shout outs to my family that I love that are all over this world!  Send me an email sometime Family I kinda just need some time away from myself but I'll answer some emails and blog a little bit.

  I think tomorrow I'll put up some lists that are important to me. (Some may be repeats Sorry!) I think I need a little bit of a uplifting post rather than a downer one. So I think that is what I'll do tomorrow night. At some point since I can only get on at night unless I go over to my parents and use there screen to get on my own laptop. (Which I did tonight! Thank you very much.) So talk to you later or well type at yall laters I think I am going to go hit the hay in another 20 minutes and just try to chill. (Yes I know I have to go back over to my trailer just fucking peachy.Not really.)


  1. Sorry sweetie that she told your mother things you didn't want her to know. People can be so thoughtless sometimes. *hugs*

  2. ~Hugs tightly and sighs~ I ain't said anything to the roommate it's just there is no point in fighting with her. She told I know she did and knowing that I can't wait for her to pick up and leave. She's been talking about leaving anyways so why should I bother worrying. I'm applying to Walmart's for a job hoping to get it and then well hehe. Perhaps I can get my laptop fixed and get me a back up laptop.

    I'm better this afternoon than I was late last night. I was just kinda up there on bitch mode/ Kitty Kat mode.

  3. Agreed sister. Though you and I have not been on best of terms we don't do things to one another without telling each other after we do it. Love you sis! Read my post in my blog now that i finnaly can do it again.