Lists

  Interests.....
1. Reading
2. Writing
3. Drawing
4. Twitter
5. Blogs
6. Blogging
7. Spending time with my Partners
8. Painting
9. Poems
10. Writing poems & Stories




Fav. Authors
1. Vic!!!!!!
2. Nora Roberts
3. J K Rowling
4. Fern Michaels
5. A lot of others lol


Top three things about me to know
1. I love hard
2. I am a bit of a bitch when fucked with
3. I love to write poems & Stories && short stories


Fav. Music artist.
1. Lady GaGa (Yes I'm a bit of a fan!)
2. Pink
3. Black Eyed Peas
4. Beyonce
5. George Michael
6. Elton John (A little bit not to much anymore)
7. Shaina Twain
8. Toby Keith
9. Nelly (Sometimes)
10. Honestly I enjoy a lot of artists to a certain point.


Top Six types of music I listen to
1.Country
2. Pop
3. Rock & Roll
4. Rap
5. R & B
6. Hip Hop


  You see most times I don't know what to say so lists are the best things to do for me. I love music, I love art, I LOVE to write, I LOVE to read, and I love and enjoy a lot of other things.

Trusting...Real Life vs. Online

  Alright I have problems trusting people in real life. Yeah sure I'm always up to meeting new people in real life. Always ready to take on the toughest parts of my real everyday life but, trusting someone really trusting them with everything I have is hard.

  At first, when I wrote about my roommate and her boyfriend I said everything was going great. Until I found out that the roommate told something to My mother that was PRIVATE. Just between her and I. Excuse me bitch mood here but, I have to say it.

  When you are TRUSTED with INFORMATION that a person doesn't want THEIR PARENT knowing about YOU DO NOT under ANY way betray that trust!

  What is this over well I didn't want my mother knowing how many partners I had. Excuse me for living but, she DOESN'T need to be in the business of my fucking love life! Thta is why it is MY LOVE LIFE!!!

  I have that little problem of trust in real life because of a roommate before this one telling my mother EVERYTHING. I thought an older roommate wouldn't betray that trust. I was very oh so very wrong.

  Let's go into a bit of detail here on this. My roommate is 39 nearing 40 years of age. She's been around the block has five kids and three ex-husbands. I told her little things at first and my mother never came out with any of it. Now when I started borrowing her laptop after my laptop's screen busted she had no problem with it. Or so I thought.

  I was wondering how my mother would know the EXACT number of partners I had since the last time I spoke to her about them it was about 4 less than what it is today. I don't trust my mother, I don't trust my father. I DID however trust my roommate with information that would and could harm me if my mother was ever told. So when my mother says " Oh I hear you have_____ men now." (Sorry I trust yall but I don't want yall thinking badly of the number.) I was like WTF!?!?!?!?!?! Okay, so my mind goes through the only people to know that information. There is myself, my partners, my roommate and her boyfriend. My mother says my roommate told her. Is she lying? I don't think she is.

  Trust is improteant to me both in real life and online. I trust my friends online more than I do the people that are face to face with me constantly. Why? Because they can't lie straight to my face. Yeah people can still lie to me BUT if they do at least they ain't looking me in the eyes when they lie to me. Most of my online friends and family know about my partners and know how many I have. They don't put me down for it and they don't say that I am "Going against god."

  So online vs real life trusting. I trust more people online then I do face to face. The people I meet online don't try to make me feel bad about myself. Matter of fact they uplift me, support me, love me, care for me, and all around they are there for me no matter what I am going through.

  I know Ivan and Milo are busy but Iv has been checking on me for the past few weeks making sure I am okay. Making sure I ain't lost it due to my stress in real life. He's a big brother to me and he's one of the best.

  Vic loves and supports me even though he is so busy with his own life. He's an amazing big brother as well.

  Matt is a sweetheart of a little brother. I love and trust him Even with the most private things about myself.

  Brad is also the sweetheart little brother I have.I trust love and care about him a lot. He's never judged me and I am pretty sure he never will.

  Sid is family as well. I don't talk to him much these days BUT, he is still family.

  You see family even though it's through a computer I trust with heart and soul. They don't judge me and they don't care what is going on in my life as long as I am okay and safe and feeling alright. They only ask of me what I ask of them. Love, support, trust,  a little time to understand, Trust, caring, And SUPPORT! (I know support is in there twice it's because it is important. and Trust is as well. But it's ALL important!)



  Perhaps this is a bitchy post but I think trust is very important and I won't say I am sorry for saying what I did because I mean it. The trailer I live in is mine when it's paid off by my father. (That surprised the hell out of me but I think he doesn't want anyone else but, family living in the three trailers.) I don't want to live in that trailer for the rest of my life BUT, it's still mine. I've come close to saying something to my roommate tonight BUT you know what it's not even worth fighting over. She just lost my trust and she can't gain it back not after all the bithing she did to my mother and what she told to my mother. My personal life when it comes to my blood family is just that PERSONAL. It's not so much to ask for that someone give me the trust that I put in them. Oh wait she says I "Disappointed her." Okay perhaps this is a small bitchy thing to but she BETRAYED my trust and me! So her disappointment can be shoved up her ass. I do every fucking thing she asks of me and yet this is how I am repaid? My mother gets told something about my personal life and I am supposed to just forget about it right? WRONG!!!


  Okay I think my bitching is done hope it doesn't make any of you mad I don't want that I just needed a place to vent and give some shout outs to my family that I love that are all over this world!  Send me an email sometime Family I kinda just need some time away from myself but I'll answer some emails and blog a little bit.


  I think tomorrow I'll put up some lists that are important to me. (Some may be repeats Sorry!) I think I need a little bit of a uplifting post rather than a downer one. So I think that is what I'll do tomorrow night. At some point since I can only get on at night unless I go over to my parents and use there screen to get on my own laptop. (Which I did tonight! Thank you very much.) So talk to you later or well type at yall laters I think I am going to go hit the hay in another 20 minutes and just try to chill. (Yes I know I have to go back over to my trailer just fucking peachy.Not really.)

Mini Monday

  Alright so I've been slacking just a tad bit on posting here. I've been keeping to myself emailing peoples and talking to my partners.

  I've had a rough couple weeks. Been trying to keep the cold away and failing. Dealing with things that only a couple people know about. Trying hard not to think about it and deal with everything else. I remember that my big brother Vic told me once to take the day off because of all the stress. I did and this go around I took more than a day off to cope and deal with everything.


  It's nothing against anyone I just needed a bit of a break and a bit of time to myself to think and write and come to terms with everything. I'll post some things later on that is kinda an update and some lists during the week perhaps I haven't decided.

Songs that make me cry (Also a picture of me and my niece something nice and sweet)

  I've been away I know. I have had a lot of things going on in my life. I am trying to keep my mind off of it all. These songs oh yes make me cry and there are others that make me cry as well but I don't want to put to many.






     Update picture gone sorry. I took a leap there. Hair was a mess but I didn't give a flying damn i wanted to hold my niece. hehe.

The day before today.

  When you have known a boy for as long as I have you'd never think that the very same boy could make you uncomfortable in anyway shape or form. WRONG! I was so totally wrong.

  The boy is honestly a man of 21 years of age. nearing 22 years of age. I can't get this out of my head. He wanted me to sleep with him and he wouldn't take "Go to hell." for an answer. Before I get to ahead of myself. THANK GODS my roommate was in the house with me and him. I think honestly that was the only thing stopping him from trying more than being an annoying ass. I was scared though and uncomfortable. I was shaking by the time my roommate's boyfriend got off of work. I mean yeah I'm 20 but, I'm with my partners lock stock and barrel as the saying goes.

  When my roommate left to go somewhere she took me with her. She didn't leave me in the house with her boyfriend, the boy and another man by myself. She knew the boy was creeping me out and making me uncomfortable that much more. I've had to deal with this one other time from a different male. I was scared then as I was yesterday.

  I'm still scared because that very same boy is supposed to come back to help my parents over at their trailer. He freaks me dead the fuck out. I locked the door when my roommate and her boyfriend left for only 10 maybe 20 minutes because that boy was still here. YES, he did come back and YES he went away when I told him my roommate wasn't home. THAT still didn't make me comfortable because all the shit he had said before. I am an out-going person BUT I am also one who trusts as far as I can throw a person. (Which isn't far. This is face to face people I am with.) I trust online friends more than I trust a person face to face because I have been hurt before. Everyone may think. "Damn she has a lot of issues. Or damn she has a lot of uncomfortable moments." Well it comes with past and sometimes present things that happen to me. I try to hold my own fear in until people are away from me that make me uncomfortable.

  My mother and older sister laughed about the boy trying to "get into my pants." They thought it was funny. They would have thought it even funnier if I had chopped off his dick like I wanted to when he kept looking at me then nodding to my damn bedroom door! ~Takes a deep breath~ I don't find anything about what was going on funny. Why should anyone else? Why should they have thought it funny? I was scared for gods sake. Very scared and I did have a knife next to me while it all was going on so my roommate knew what I was thinking every time my hand reached for the knife. I am not aware what made this idiot even think about trying to "get into my pants" when I have told him I have partners!



  Males and females have to realize a few things. What you say to someone else anyone with anything. You have to take what they say and their body language into account. It's like this. If you are with someone and you wanted sexual contact and the other person was uncomfortable you'd know just by their body language. Taking every detail into account will save you a lot of trouble. Meaning what you say also is something people need to take into account.

  Alright now I think I can quit shaking for a while and go dance and sing to calm down. I'm still scared. I can admit it and writing this did help lessen the emotions building up inside myself and my mind off of other things.

Facts & Good News

  Alright so I thought about everything long and hard through the days and nights and found that most everyone that reads my blog I love to death! Not everyone though knows some big facts about me. So I'm going to share a few facts about me and some false ones to see if anyone can guess. (Have got to thank Ivvie from over at Ivan & Friends for his own facts about the bloggsters of his hehe.)

1. I was born in Ohio and raised there until I was about 18 (True or False)
2. I hate snakes & Spiders (True or false)
3. I love to sing & dance (True or False)
4. I hate to read (Easy one and I'll tel lyou the answer now that's false....I love to read.)
5. Barney the Purple Dinosaur was my hero growing up. (True or False)
6. I loved Barney as a child (True or False)
7. Ivvie is my adopted Big Brother (TRUE!! I'm going to just give yall that one)
8. I have adopted quite a few of my blogging friends at family (Again this is a given Truth)
9. I'm a blonde but I have red hair (True or false)
10. I am thinking about trying anal sex (true or false)
11. People think I am sweet yet I beg to differ with them (True or false)
12. I'm still a virgin (True or false)
13. I'll be 21 in February (Truth from hell)
14. I like to make sure people are okay even if I worry my ass off about them when they tell me they are fine (True or false)

Okay since I know some are true and I gave some of the answers perhaps next time I'll just make them harder these are easy and oh yeah SHE HAD THE BABY AND NOW I AM AN AUNT AGAIN!!!! LORDY LORD PLEASE HELP ME WITH THAT ONE!  Mini update...Baby weighed in at 9 pounds 10 ounces and is 21 inches long. What a DAMN big baby girl she had hmm??? Oh yeah I was flipping dead the fuck out on the poundage of the baby but you know what I told everyone that was important to me about the baby being born. So am I excited? A bit but that is subject to change when my sister gets home and bitches and whines about everything of that I am sure. Can't wait to see the baby though. (I am hoping and praying it has less of the baby daddy's features than it does of my sister's at least then hehe I can say she had a child that looks a lot like her. (Although the baby is a bit bigger than she was when she was born 19 years ago lol.)

Tuesday!

  I'm happy I get to sleep in a bed tonight!! It's been near two years since I slept in a good comfortable bed. No more sleeping on the couch or in the chair!! Whoooooo hoooooooooo!! My back is killing me though lifting so much today and my arms but hey it had to get done and it got done. Heating isn't a problem just need to get everything set up next week. Now I might get some decent rest for once in my life! Let us hope on that one. hehe.

  We'll see what happens and see how well I get along with my roommate/friend living together without my parents. Still got a little bit more cleaning to do but it looks great so far.